Steven Seagal IS the New Manifestion of God's Power

I followed the link from Tengu's page for this CD:



Having sent in for and now listened to this divine piece of music, I can only echo the words of this Amazon reviewer:


Giving Hope to the Morbidly Obese
Kevin Keast "R4V4G3D_SKU11S" (Toronto, ON) - See all my reviews

Dear Mr. Seagal,

Tuesday, February 12th, was a pretty average day for me. I woke up, brushed my teeth, had my morning glass of mayonnaise, put on my beret, tossed my scarf over my shoulder, heaved a heavy sigh and ventured out into the cold. The suspension on my electric scooter sagged deeply, not unlike my longing heart. While the vanity bumper sticker that Mother had bought me proclaimed "A smile a day keeps the doctor away", I was a very, very lonely 42 year old man. I was morbidly obese and quite frankly, I didn't have the most pleasant odour about me. I was lucky if even that kid with the club foot that everyone chased after school would wave to me when I passed.

Doing the rounds of my paper route, I rode by my local music store. I heard Something about Lollipops emanating from the speaker. I heard the low and shrill sound and it immediately began soothing my jangled nerves. Little did I know that this little piece of plastic, with the wondroous words and lyrics of Steven Seagal burned onto it for all of eternity with a laser, was soon to change my life.

I immediately got out of my scooter, ran into the store, took a few minutes to try to catch my breath. Finally I was able to gasp out to the clerk: "That Cd. That voice of the angels. I need to have it now". I bought several copies in case I became hungry on the way home. I rushed home, changed into my athletic gear and utility belt and immediately began doing pushups. It was like I was a man possesed. I didn't know it at the time, but this CD harnessed the work ethic, the martial arts prowess and, above all, the stunning handsomness and fashion sense of Steven Seagal into one small package. All that I had to do was press play and I was transformed into the essence of Casey Ryback, ex-navy seal, counter-terrorist expert and environmental mercenary.

To the sounds of Mr.Seagal I was able to shed my weight and began taking daily showers. I now entertain several women per week, sometimes even several per day. I am making over $5000 a week stuffing envelopes from home. My life has become full of many smiles a day, and I look forward to each day with more anticipation than the last. I owe it all to the inspiring and electrifying work being done each and every day by Steven Seagal.

Thank you, Steven Seagal.

Your friend in arms,

Kevin Keast, Toronto, Ontario

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Doomed Date

Ruth asked Scott to tell her what kind of law he practiced, but he said that it wasn't interesting . . . Then he asked Ruth if she was "seeing anyone." She tried to tell him about Allan . . . Her attraction to marriage was deep, Ruth told Scott, while at the same time her fear of it was stultifying.
"You mean you're more attracted to it than you are afraid of it?" the lawyer asked.
"How does that passage from George Eliot go? I once liked it so much that I wrote it down," Ruth told him. " 'What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life . . .' But . . ."
"Did he stay married?" Scott asked her.
"Who?" Ruth said.
"George Eliot. Did he stay married?"
Maybe if I just get up and start doing the dishes, he'll get bored and go home, Ruth thought.

- John Irving, A Widow for One Year

If You Had to Pick My Pie out of 1,000 to Save My Life and Other Idiosyncracies*

So, the story (mythos) goes like this: a princess (or goddess) and a commoner fall in love. Her father (or the commoner's nemesis) is furious, and imprisons the woman. He demands that the commoner pick out his love from a line of woman all identical to her or she will die. Somehow or other the hero discerns the true princess.

Why I have made this story a mini-ethos for my life I don't know. I do keep setting up preventive measures to ensure that I am chosen out of that line. Example: "Look at this pie-crust, M. Do you see how I make the steam holes? If you had to pick my pie crust out of 1,000 others so that I wouldn't die, could you? Could you?!?"

There are variations on this. "You know I don't like coffee ice cream, right? What would you do if I started eating coffee ice cream? That's right, shoot me in the head." (A la Sydney vs. Francie.)

A more distant extrapolation of this is: I am eating a crumbly pastry. I do not want crumbs on the the floor. I think, What if I were in a situation in which dropping a single crumb on the floor would mean death? Could I eat this pastry without dropping a single crumb?

*Tagged by Gaunilo to ponder my idiosyncracies. He said 5, but I think you are all backing away after just one.

"Actually, It's 'Cyclist' Not 'Biker'"

A cyclist told me that once. So, I suppose I'm a cyclist now. No, I just bike to work. But here are some questions and observations I've made as I've biked:

1) Zoning out. Seems requisite with any form of travel: car, train, now bike. I thought, when I started, that I would always be alert. Now I can find myself at home without remembering the ride at all.

2) Bike lanes are another luxury I left behind in the Bay Area. Given that I'm not supposed to bike on the sidewalks, I have a brush with death every 2 days.

3) How the heck am I supposed to stay warm? and dry? And how long can I hold out? Should I brave snow? Ice?

4) Since fashion trends have shifted towards bootleg cuts and flare pantlegs, how do I keep from snagging on my bike chain? Without being a dork?

5) Someday I'm going to run over a squirrel or have one caught in the spokes of my wheel. Those little buggers need to learn how to cross a street properly, without doubling back last minute.

Food...Glorious Food

Should I be working hard on emailing faculty members and trying to ingratiate myself? Yes. But it's more fun to post pictures on the web!

This was at a trendy restaurant in Tokyo - a sushi-fusionesque sort of deal.

Simmering pots...

Mmmm...smell the roasting meat. Kobe beef is like butter. Buttah.

Tonkatsu - fried pork cutlet. Heaven.

Now, this is elaborate and pretty, but not my favorite. That greyish thing next to the green ball? My personal term for it is "baby flesh." Because it has the texture I think baby flesh would have - soft, squishy, but not chewy. And juicy. A texture I never encountered before.

These are little confections - just sugar, really, made into an exactingly pretty form, wrapped in beautiful Japanese paper, and placed - just so - in an ornate box. My co-worker said, "They look like boobs." But they're really supposed to look like steamed buns (no, not that kind, this is not about T & A) with the red seal they're branded with. Ah, Japan. In the basement of the big department stores there is usually a floor devoted to food - confections, beautiful pastries, and freshly fried foods - like potato croquettes. MMMMMM. And did I mention everything is beautifully made and packaged? It's insane. And, when you walk down the aisles of the department store, the shop ladies (all in gloves) bow in succession as you pass through.

Just look at the joy on his face. Japan is the land of vending machines. There are millions of kinds of drinks and they are all wonderful. Want a soda? Iced coffee? Yogurt drink? Ice cream? Pastry? Batteries? Digital camera? Just go to a vending machine!

Gift Ideas

It's my birthday!
Wondering what to get me? Put some of that disposable income to use!
How about...


a Faberge egg?

Or, the entire Loeb Classical Library? A bargain at only $21 a pop.

Or, to show how much you really care, how about something priceless, like the Book of Kells?

I'm sure Trinity College won't miss it.

I've always enjoyed standing in front of Gustave Caillebotte's Rue de Paris, temps de pluie, breathing in the rain-washed air.



Since we're dreaming, what objet would you wish for?

Snug as a Bug on a Tatami Rug

This was in a hot springs hotel in Atami. We had the chance to stay at two traditional hot spring hotels in Japan. Here's the view from our room in Atami (the window's wet from the ocean spray):

And I fell in love with our hotel near Kyoto.

Little slippers are provided for walking around in the hotel in a yukata.

Our traditional wood Japanese bath - with a drain on the bathroom floor so you can sit in hot water up to your neck, with water splashing over the sides.

My OCD nature can't get enough of this peaceful bareness.

Awww, aren't we cute. Except my PJ bottoms are showing.